Which, technically, he did.
For my daughter (Age 6), nothing much beats cuddling up with her dad on the sofa watching My Little Pony. Most of her previous favourite TV shows left my brain bleeding and numb but, like most dads, I was only there for a snuggle.
Long ago I perfected the art of pretending to be interested in something I wasn’t by nodding occasionally and laughing when she did. (This also works well with mothers and wives…). Continue reading
It’s true. The children always wake up my wife and not me. They do this in the usual ways: standing really close to her and whispering “mummy”, “mummy”. Why do they do that? I mean whisper. What’s the point of whispering if you’re trying to wake someone up? or they cough quietly or they play their Ace card: sob quietly.
Anyway, so why do the children never come to my side of the bed and wake me up? Continue reading
During half term, my daughter (age 6) got to stay up a little longer than usual and while I was out the room managed to watch a few minutes from the beginning of the vampire movie Twilight. She’s always had a soft spot for romantic films and is regularly hooked by teen romances and even grown up films like The Proposal and Grown Ups. Continue reading
Our six year old always says “5 second rule!” after she drops a sweet on the floor, then picks it up and pops it in her mouth. Both mum and grandmother passed down the phrase to her (and the bad habit) but the old adage simply is not true. Wiping food after its fallen on the floor, doesn’t work. Blowing on it doesn’t work either. If food lands on the floor, then it will pick up more germs than if it hadn’t fallen on the floor. Simple as that. So if it falls on the floor, chuck it in the bin.
“Daddy, why do they wrap sweets in litter?”
“Do snakes have bottoms?”
“Are pigs made of meat?”
“Is Special K made out of the same thing as white bread and Bran Flakes made out of the same thing as brown bread?”
So Ava (6) loves JLS and is starting to understand song lyrics.
“Daddy? Does the song means she’s burning up?”
“Nooooope. Not exactly”
“So hottest means the s word?”
“Errrr… maybe. Which S Word?”
“Yes that’s what hot means. In this context”
“Daddy. I don’t think little girls should hear the s word.”
“Quite right darling. How bout we listen to some Johnny Cash.”
“But Daaaaaadddy, he doesn’t sing. He just talks loudly.”
“Yes, Ava?” (Who is age 5)
“Can I have a glass of milk please?”
“Yes but there’s not enough milk for both of you – so you’ll have to share half a glass each tonight. Go tell your brother.”
“Saaaaaaam! Daddy says there’s not enough milk for you!”
Hmmm… we boys just don’t stand a chance.
Sam, aged 3, had been catching invisible baby dragons all morning long. Cupping his hands together he carefully showed me all the blue dragons, red dragons, yellow dragons he’d captured around the house. They were all very cute – if a little invisible.
Later that afternoon he appeared at my side with his proffered hands cupped, just as before. I don’t know what possessed me but I grinned and clapped his hands together. I will never forget the expression of horror on his face.
Now smeared across his palms were the remains of a spider.