“Hi, what did you learn at school today?”
“We did maths.” (Ava, age 6)
“Great, so what’s 7 add 9?”
“But daddy, we’ve only done 10s and 6s today.”
They learned us maths, daddy
Category Archives: Funny things kids say
Mummy’s an Aries…
…”and daddy is a Leprechaun,” said Ava (6)
Why do they always wake me up? and not you?
It’s true. The children always wake up my wife and not me. They do this in the usual ways: standing really close to her and whispering “mummy”, “mummy”. Why do they do that? I mean whisper. What’s the point of whispering if you’re trying to wake someone up? or they cough quietly or they play their Ace card: sob quietly.
Anyway, so why do the children never come to my side of the bed and wake me up? Continue reading
A Vegetarian Twilight?
During half term, my daughter (age 6) got to stay up a little longer than usual and while I was out the room managed to watch a few minutes from the beginning of the vampire movie Twilight. She’s always had a soft spot for romantic films and is regularly hooked by teen romances and even grown up films like The Proposal and Grown Ups. Continue reading
It’s a mums life…
Ava (6) had been in bed for about 5 minutes when we heard her yell, “Muuuuum! You forgot to do my homework!”
Ava (5) asks good questions:
“Daddy, why do they wrap sweets in litter?”
“Do snakes have bottoms?”
“Are pigs made of meat?”
“Is Special K made out of the same thing as white bread and Bran Flakes made out of the same thing as brown bread?”
The hottest girl in the world right now
So Ava (6) loves JLS and is starting to understand song lyrics.
“Daddy? Does the song means she’s burning up?”
“Nooooope. Not exactly”
“So hottest means the s word?”
“Errrr… maybe. Which S Word?”
“Sexy”
“Yes that’s what hot means. In this context”
“Daddy. I don’t think little girls should hear the s word.”
“Quite right darling. How bout we listen to some Johnny Cash.”
“But Daaaaaadddy, he doesn’t sing. He just talks loudly.”
That’s one sneaky little sister
“Daaaaaaddy…”
“Yes, Ava?” (Who is age 5)
“Can I have a glass of milk please?”
“Yes but there’s not enough milk for both of you – so you’ll have to share half a glass each tonight. Go tell your brother.”
“Saaaaaaam! Daddy says there’s not enough milk for you!”
Hmmm… we boys just don’t stand a chance.
Here be dragons, daddy
Sam, aged 3, had been catching invisible baby dragons all morning long. Cupping his hands together he carefully showed me all the blue dragons, red dragons, yellow dragons he’d captured around the house. They were all very cute – if a little invisible.
Later that afternoon he appeared at my side with his proffered hands cupped, just as before. I don’t know what possessed me but I grinned and clapped his hands together. I will never forget the expression of horror on his face.
Now smeared across his palms were the remains of a spider.
Darned nature programmes…
After her bedtime story, Ava (5) said,
“Daddy, could you stop calling me little monkey?”
“Ok… how about another animal then… how about ‘Little Lemur’, like King Julian?”
“Well…”
“Or ‘L’il Ay-Ay’ then, like Maurice…?”
“Bush Baby.”
“Oh. Ok. then. Night Night Bush Baby.”
“Bush Babies are nocturnal Daddy, which means I have to be awake now!”