Yesterday we received our first irate call from some other kid’s parent. No, not the parents of one of our kid’s friends (whom are all by some strange global social norm now our friends too). This was just some other kid’s parent.
My wife picked up the call. I could tell immediately that it was someone complaining about our kid. Continue reading
After her bedtime story, Ava (5) said,
“Daddy, could you stop calling me little monkey?”
“Ok… how about another animal then… how about ‘Little Lemur’, like King Julian?”
“Well…”
“Or ‘L’il Ay-Ay’ then, like Maurice…?”
“Bush Baby.”
“Oh. Ok. then. Night Night Bush Baby.”
“Bush Babies are nocturnal Daddy, which means I have to be awake now!”
Sadly, for my children, I am the complete opposite of Steve Backshall. A wasp will force me from a room or picnic faster than Usain Bolt – screaming and flapping my arms like my five year old does when I ask her to finish her broccoli. But the fact that I wasn’t stung until I was 39 years old proves this tactic works.
Steve Backshall is Sam’s hero. Sam gets stung by wasps about five times a year.
“I tied the rope around Caitlin and when I pulled it the knot came undone and I fell backwards”
This was the explanation my 6 year old son, Alexander sobbed as we held him cradling his arm at the bottom of our 6 foot tall slide. At this stage I realized that the level of supervision we provided our children when they were playing in the garden may have slipped beyond what was sensible… Continue reading
As soon as her bedtime story was finished, Ava (4) asked, “where do we come from Daddy?”
Dreading the whole ‘mummy’s tummy’ conversation I replied truthfully:
“Scotland.”
“Noooo, where do people come from…?” Continue reading
I always refuse to eat children’s birthday cake. I’m sorry but I do.Yes, because of that old ‘You’ve Been Framed’ clip of the birthday boy sneezing out his candles. Yes, because I can’t stand shop-bought cakes with sugar content so high, you can get cavities just by looking at them. Yes, because I happen to know that 4 year olds often forget to wash their hands. All I can ever see when offered a slice of lovingly crafted Numberjacks No.4 or Pirate Ship is billions of micro organisms which I know are normally present on adult cakes. Continue reading
My 4 year old daughter quite often erupts for unfathomable reasons: we’ve dished up on the wrong coloured plate, her milk isn’t warm enough or is too late. Sometimes she ruins the whole day, sometimes she’s hilarious with it. Mum and Dad differ however in our choice of tantrum-easing techniques… Continue reading
We mostly cook from scratch, always produce a regular Sunday Roast, occasionally dine out in fine restaurants and enjoy Indian and Chinese food. Yet somehow, we have managed to raise a couple of ‘chicken nugget’ kids – suspicious of everything except wafer thin ham and sausages… Continue reading