Category Archives: Funny things kids say

Why do they always wake me up? and not you?

It’s true. The children always wake up my wife and not me. They do this in the usual ways: standing really close to her and whispering “mummy”, “mummy”. Why do they do that? I mean whisper. What’s the point of whispering if you’re trying to wake someone up? or they cough quietly or they play their Ace card: sob quietly.

Anyway,  so why do the children never come to my side of the bed and wake me up? Continue reading

The hottest girl in the world right now


So Ava (6) loves JLS and is starting to understand song lyrics.

“Daddy? Does the song means she’s burning up?”

“Nooooope. Not exactly”

“So hottest means the s word?”

“Errrr… maybe. Which S Word?”


“Yes that’s what hot means. In this context”

“Daddy. I don’t think little girls should hear the s word.”

“Quite right darling. How bout we listen to some Johnny Cash.”

“But Daaaaaadddy, he doesn’t sing. He just talks loudly.”


Here be dragons, daddy

Sam, aged 3, had been catching invisible baby dragons all morning long. Cupping his hands together he carefully showed me  all the blue dragons, red dragons, yellow dragons he’d captured around the house. They were all  very cute – if a little invisible.

Later that afternoon he appeared at my side with his proffered hands cupped,  just as before. I don’t know what possessed me but I grinned and clapped his hands together. I will never forget the expression of horror on his face.

Now smeared across his palms were the remains of a spider.

Darned nature programmes…

After her bedtime story, Ava (5) said,
“Daddy, could you stop calling me little monkey?”
“Ok… how about another animal then… how about ‘Little Lemur’, like King Julian?”
“Or ‘L’il Ay-Ay’ then, like Maurice…?”
“Bush Baby.”
“Oh. Ok. then. Night Night Bush Baby.”
“Bush Babies are nocturnal Daddy, which means I have to be awake now!”